Sunday, 11 March 2012

Damned if I do...

This has been a bad weekend.

Actually it's been a great weekend.  We managed to get things done that we've been planning for weeks, had lunch out and sorted out the garden while bathed in glorious spring sunshine.

What I haven't done is any writing. 

I've been feeling down lately.  I'm hating myself for not doing any writing, but at the same time I look back over what I have written and feel that it's all a load of rubbish and that I am a bad writer.  So I don't write, which makes me feel even worse.  A sort of damned if I do and damned if I don't situation.

I've been told that all writers feel this way every now and then and that, this too, shall pass.  I know what I have to do, ignore these feelings and just get on with it and write.  I miss the days of writing Silver when I was in the zone and the habit of writing 1000 words a day.  So what did I do today to fix it?  I moped around the house feeling bad and thinking about cake and chocolate. 

What makes this type of depression worse is hearing about the success of others.  Yes, in order to be successful I need to work hard and write but right now I feel that there's no point; my writing will never be good enough.

The depression is beginning to lift, just as the weekend comes to an end (excellent timing).  I need to find my determination and discipline again.  I also need to stop eating so much sugar, but that's a different story.  Still, maybe I could start both at the same time; 2 March resolutions starting tomorrow.

And instead of feeling depressed and jealous of people's good fortune, I should take note and be encouraged that amazing things can happen - Fifty Shades of Grey.

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